Knowing that you would mess up and make glorious mistakes, what would you create if you weren’t so attached to the idea of perfection?
For me, I’d paint a giant mural, publicly for all to see.
I’d do a live painting, freestyled. No preconceived thoughts. I’d grab a paintbrush and just start.
Many of us want this freedom.
We want to create, epically without our egos and critics interrupting.
We want to quiet the voices in our heads that tell us about our enormous typos.
We secretly want to live this epically, big and beautiful messy life and not be judged for it.
I know I do.
So why not? Why not let go and give ourselves the permission to mess up a lot?
From here on, I’m allowing myself the opportunity to create and create and create without preoccupation and worry.
I’m banishing every little small voice (with their small visions of me) and kicking them out of the door of my mind.
I’m protecting my mindset, as much as I can help it.
Because being curated and measured and worrying about every little mistake has only hindered my creativity. It has only muzzled my voice. It has held back my pen.
I can only cringe at mountains of words and books and articles I haven’t written because of my fear of what might happen afterward. I can only guess what blessings I’ve withheld from myself and others while holding to gift that was to be given, freely.
I have not stepped fully into my calling because of the judgment of others. I have not stepped fully into my calling because I fear big, ugly mistakes. I have not stepped fully into my calling because I know I’ll have the responsibility of following-through once I know better.
I know once I’m on the stage, people will feel it in their hearts. They’ll know what it is to live and will want it for themselves, in some way.
I am now willing to die to whatever fears I have and go forth. I’m really good at telling others to do what will push them forward.
I’m not so good at telling myself this and actually following through.
I know that responsibility will not leave me, no matter how I attempt to shake it. I know that I cannot rid my imperfections and that I must embrace all that’s to come when I step fully into this.
I know that having a full-time job that is unrelated to my calling is no excuse for not doing it.
I know all of this.
So, why aren’t I living it?
Why aren’t I stepping fully into it?
Because I don’t have the right mindset. Because I don’t have a servant mindset. Because I’m coming from a place of preciously, curated authority. Because I’m not humbling myself in the process.
I am not by any means on a pedestal. I know I did nothing to receive this gift. And I should be willing to give freely, without any expectation of any return.
I can do my own clapping. I can lift my own voice in praise. I can fill the mountains with an epic shout.
But I do want to live a life of the greatest mistakes. I want to take horrible, genius risks and live to tell about it. I want to inspire others to let go of their perfectly curated images.
I want to live in a world where we truly see each other and who we’d love to become. Not shield ourselves while living secret lives. Not fight to hold to who we once were together.
I don’t think that’s what we’re here for.
I believe we’re all here to help each other get closer to who we truly are, as much as humanly possible.
So create without abandon and embrace each mistake, one at a time.
Thank you for reading.