Deal-breakers; in the dating world, we use this term to cut out the fat of undesirable mates.
Some of us make lists of behaviors — vowing to never marry a person who eats bacon. Or doesn’t want kids. Or doesn’t have the name, Angela Simmons.
We human beings can be good at expecting certain things of other individuals. Setting boundaries and guidelines. Toggling the characteristics of the NBA2K Created Player version of our ideal mates. All while being stone-cold, trash versions of ourselves.
We will desire more from potential girlfriends, boyfriends, or spouses than we do for ourselves. For our lives. For our character.
At least, it seems that way.
Without fail, we slack off on our ambitions. Not holding ourselves to the golden standard of our prospective Love Connection.
I’d argue that in some ways we want this Prototype to save us from the responsibility of owning up to our faults. The idea of tiptoeing to the sun with bae seems more alluring than revamping our stalled music project.
Because once you get the girl, slim chance for that music career. If music wasn’t a priority before, it likely won’t be one once she hits the scene.
Last week, I wrote about the importance of committing to something and building a habit. Because creativity and inspiration don’t just lend itself over to you. You gotta work for this, baby — if you want it. Like Big Daddy Kane once said about creativity, “Ain’t no half-stepping.”
Or maybe he was talking about something else.
Anyhow, motivation doesn’t just show up at your front door. It comes by exercising those creative muscles. And before you know it, habits become a lifestyle and a creative practice is woven into your life.
The same energy and intent Flava Flav used to siphon down wifey material on Flavor of Love, could be used to check yourself. Those strict must-haves and must-not-haves could assist on a self-assessment inventory.
Yes, you could become a more creative simply by becoming more serious about it.
Decide that being creative is as paramount as your future husband having all of his teeth.
Decide that having a creative life is non-negotiable.
Decide that being uncreative, in your life, is a deal-breaker.
Am I serious? Absolutely.
For my life, my list of non-negotiables (in no particular order) are as follows:
These pillars are integrated into my life and will persist, whether I am married or not.
In other words, get yourself together before you start asking other people to get themselves together.
Don’t be out here expecting Ruth’s Chris from everybody when you’re serving up Happy Meals. Make sure you meet (or are in active pursuit of) your prerequisites of the life you want.
Also, when you do find your special someone, your dreamboat, your boo, your Angela Simmons-face let them know that creativity, your art, your practice, is an integral part of your life. That (amongst other things) it balances the human that you are.
And you need time and/or space to be creative. And that creativity is part of your life routine.
Your sugar dumpling should know that it is in her best interest to be an ally in that. Not an enemy or antagonist of this time.
Otherwise, she runs the risk of becoming an evil character in your novel. And hopefully, you, nor she wants that as a part of your regular creative practice.